| 5 Newest Jokes |  |
| How do you make one disappear? Add the letter G and make it gone |
| Yo mama so strong, she can turn peanuts into peanut butter |
| Q: What is the President Bush's new fitness program to get people walking again? A: GAS at $3/gallon |
| Q: Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ? A: Because the snowblower was coming down the block. |
5 Best Jokes
| A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen." |
| At communion you go back for seconds. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. Long distance companies don't call you to switch. You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice. McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln. |
| 1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is. 2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. 4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. 5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. 6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. 7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. 8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. 9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. 10. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. |
| Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait." Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait." About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her." "No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either." "Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother." |
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